You’re not Welcome, Flee Quickly

I’m sorry you had the unfortunate fate of coming across my dismal blog. I assume you’ll be leaving soon, so I’d wish you a good day, but that would be useless because you probably won’t have one anyway. I would suggest that you not read any of my blog because it is the worst blog I’ve ever seen and will continue to be the worst till the internet explodes from cat video overload.

I guess this is the place where I am supposed to write some deep, well thought-out idea that will motivate my non-existant readers to do great things and enjoy life. Life is like a box of chocolates or something like that. I will fail, but here goes…

Life is like a parking lot, all the good places are taken and you can waste as much gas as you’d like, you will never find one. Chances are you will be in direct sunlight, ten miles away from where you wanted to be, stuck between two people who obviously never passed their drivers test because then they would’ve learned to park better. I would feel sorry for you, but am too busy feeling depressed about my own situation, not that people care anyway.

Now that everyone who decided to burden themselves with continuing to read have obviously left, I get this space all to myself. Yay. I’d be happy, but there are people in the hospital dying of cancer and a small child in Ireland who just dropped her ice cream on the ground. Somebody died in the time that its taken you to read this and millions of people are wasting their lives reading random blogs on the internet. They should really get a life, not that it will do them any good because they will all die eventually. This thought would depress me, but I know that I’m actually so insignificant and tiny in the whole general idea of things that no one will be particularly inconvenienced when I die, a good thing because cat videos are so much more important.

Wish you Weren’t Here,

Charlotte L. Dodgson