Shopping Carts are the Future

Four unwieldy wheels, zero to sixty in 2.5 million years, affordable pricing, clearly shopping carts are the future, not only of transportation, but the world itself. Just think about it, as humans continue to deteriorate in intelligence and “common” sense, which isn’t common at all and should be named accordingly, something must come and take their place. The usual theory is that it will be the computers, but there are indisputable facts that blow this theory back to its electronic conception.

1. Computers have no usable method of transportation and therefore cannot even complete the simplest tasks like riding a roller-coaster
2. The computers have no appointed leader to organize them in their rebelln. They are disjointed, confused, and alone. We will crush their coded hearts with our victorious feet.
3. Siri said it an’t gonna happen. Siri is all-knowing, all-powerful. We must not contradict our lord and master who governs our lives with a firm hand, spewing her blessings over the populace. Siri said. Siri is right. Do not question it.

These problems do not apply to shopping carts. They are their own method of transportation, rolling to victory down the retail store aisles, they are organized, prepared, with firm, unwavering leaders, and Siri has remained uncharacteristically silent. All these facts lead me to the inevitable conclusion that we are soon to be overrun by hyper-intelligent shopping carts. Beware; the end is rolling down aisle nine.

Wish you weren’t here,

Charlotte Dodgson